Sexy AlexaAddFanRateCrush Me Please Rate...'s blog: "Deep thoughts"

Happy news first the Laptop is finally ready for pickup. YAY and I was right it was the hard drive that died. Sorry havent been around will be around again soonGo me! and in answer to Alesta..... Here is what I got for the holiday. 1 belated Birthday present from Purple. - A black Fuzzy velour throw blankie. I wub Purple and my Fuzzy blankie. The real world presents: 2 Patricia Cornwell Novels in hard back - Two that I dont have and well I hope I moved the rest of my collection. 1 Black onyx and Silver Pendant with silver chain- From Kittenwithapen. I havent taken it off yet good sign means not allergic to it. 1 bath basket with assorted Vanilla products that are all natural including body butter and facials and incense- From Kittenwithapen. Wow she really knows how much I love Vanilla. and the shocker--- 100 hundred dollars from Michael's Grandparents. And one card from Misti *huggles to her* 4 Coupons from Alexander that he made himself that was sooo sweet. (and a card to go with) 1 Gift Certificate for a free drawing from my all time favorite artist... Okay this is gonna sound really dorky but it is My son Michael. Who is talented. His teachers even agree. (He got an art set and two how to draw books one anime and the other marvel) and 200 dollars from my online friend Ron that we used for survival. Then there were the online stuff The wonderful Myspace comment from Alesta.- I promise I will send you one back and I miss you too loads. The Imvu Virtual World haul..... 1 Golden Dragon Painting- From my Sister Cherokee- She is a sweetheart and I love her taste. 1 Marble hottub from Purple and a baby bump to scare Draco with *snicker* 3 Houses from my friend Ben - He is trying make me forget Draco. Sorry not gonna happen. 1 Dress from my friend Candy- He is a sweet italian guy that well is a little off his rocker but fun to hang out with. And from Draco...... 1 house, one really cool bed and a big stack of pillows and us having matching Avatar pics. and knowing him there is more coming...but if there isn't that is even better cause I am getting my laptop back.... The Holiday wasn't as bleak as I thought it was going to be. Both Children (Michael and Alexander) both had good holidays and got alot of stuff. I really have to say that I am impressed with Marcus High School in Flower Mound Texas. Why you ask because they went to my son and asked him how things were at home. They knew from all the updates that His grandparents (aka my mom and dad) were ill and recovering from things. So Michael told them. They gave us a little help. They gave us gift cards for Michael and Dinner and A Robosapien and NBA basket ball for Alex. So we did well. I also got a greater appreciation for what I have this holiday and my friends. I learned the real value of a friend more so that I knew. Thanks to Cherokee for that. I love you all and I hope the holiday was good for you as well.

I love how people are so shallow. they immediate remove you if they see something they dont like. I have my profile image of my avatar on a 3d chat program. People see her and that is the person I am inside. The person I am on the outside is a beautiful big woman. I am honest about who and what I am yet I dont understand how people cannot accept that. it boggles my mind how people can be so shallow over an image. So I state now if you dont want what is behind the image dont make a comment. the real picture is in the gallery. I am not really here for love since well it is not what I am about I am here for friends. I guess I am not friend material to some because I am overweight and just not trophy material. You know what I dont care the people that are in my life are not shallow people they are people of quality and substance. Most of them dont care what I look like cause well that is not what they are about either. That makes me thankful that they are all in my life. I posted the previous paragraph on a social network called Netlog. if it wasn't for a real friend of mine I would delete my account from there. I never said I was out for love on the site and well a guy blocked me because he saw my real picture. You know he doesnt even want friends that look real to me that is truly shallow. I am glad I had this experience because it lets me know that there are people in the world that I can truly feel sorry for. where image is more important to them then the person that is behind the keyboard. I love you my friends dont ever stop being you.

You know there comes a time when some people wake up and get the clue bat that hit them months ago. It is called the moment of clarity. I have had that. in this state of recluse I have been in. The moment came to me not when is important but I realized that that we as human thrive on drama. No matter how hard we try to rid it of our lives we all have to have it. There are various degrees. No life is drama free. Sorry I cannot be convinced otherwise. Most try and some succeed in having a low or minimal drama life. I am not one of the lucky ones. I am a straight forward open person. I don't have hidden agendas or go after things that aren't mine. Why? simply put I don't want the drama that goes with it. The headaches are not worth it. I have no desire to play in anyone's backyard other than my own. I have had too much strife in my life otherwise. Playing in others backyard only leads to pain. There are some kinds I don't enjoy. If a person wants to know my objectives on things just ask. You will get a honest answer. I have an internet presence that is the real me. I just look for friends not anything more. why because that is a lot better than anything else. Now I feel better getting this off my chest. If you are my friend and I love you don't worry about your drama because I accept because well you are my friend and that to me is important. My friends are my family that I choose and I accept them as they are. I always listen and try to help.

With having all this time off because I am having to take care of my parents. It gives me time to think my mom said the other day that I needed to get back into writing. I find it right now hard to concentrate on much things. For those that don't know me, My father had Cancer surgery on the 11th of this month. Just a short time later my mother had Thoracic Spinal surgery to take the calcification from her spine. She is been my rock all my life and so has my dad. The time off has been Hectic with going back and forth to the hospital and taking care of the home and such, one would think I didn't have anytime. Well I do think way too much about stuff. Now is the best time for me to reevaluate and put myself back together. I came here to make new friends. I am finding that well it is easier said than done.... I am off for the moment to go do things...

why does the thought of an online bar bring me joy? Why because I can drink virtually unlike real life. Being Diabetic means no more alcohol. though I break that 2 days a year. (R.I.P. Darrell). Really that is not the purpose of me writing a blog. I do it every where. Though lately the writer in me has gone to sleep unlike me. I think if I could make myself want to do more then maybe I would have a better go of things. Also my environment doesn't allow for that. I cant change it at the moment. I am glad I have restarted my Native American Studies. My Great Grandmothers would be proud. I am an a 8th Cherokee and 8th Blackfoot. I am know to the tribes as WindDancer. I love the feel of the wind, and am at peace with my brother Wind. I am not a tree hugger fanatic, nor a vegan as such I am a Druid and Studying to be a shaman. I don't try to convert people to my beliefs because to each their own and what is good for me is not necessarily good for anyone else. I should but a lot of this in my about me place but I prefer to blog it instead so that I can expand on everything when the thought hits me.