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Death of a Loved one

I have recently lost my mother and I miss her very much. Ever since my dad passed away 4 years ago all she has wanted was to be with him. I ask you what happend to that kind of love. Even in death one mate wants to be with the other so bad that death is a willing and small price to pay for there companionship. My father died from cancer and it was very hard to watch this man who was my hero go from being larger than life to a 70 pound shell with haloucinations and unimaginable pain and suffering. I remember sitting in my studio the first fathers day since his passing. I was hating on god and cursing him for making such a honest, hard working and caring man suffer such pain and agony for over a year just to take him away after this fucked up game he played with my hero. Then strangest thing happend to me then. I got this feeling like when your foot falls asleep you know the pins and needles thing? Except it started at my head and then covered my whole body and I heard a voice not a spoken one present in the room but more like one that was everywhere but nowhere and it said, God did not make me suffer son, I choose to endure the suffering until I was sure that my family would be ok in my absence. At that moment I became overwhelmed with emotion and started to cry uncontrolably. I thought to myself how could any man be capable of that much love to volintarily endure such great pain and agony just to make sure his family will be ok after he dies.Three years later I was standing in the delivery room at Sacred Heart holding my son and I started to cry again and I thought to myself how can any man not be capable of that much love. Now I understand how much I never understood.
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