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Always remember the 7 qualities for the perfect girlfriend: Beautiful, Intelligent, Gentle, Thoughtful, Innocent, Trustworthy, Sensible. Or in short, B.I.G.T.I.T.S.
If you think sex can't be had due to a headache, how wrong you are. At least, according to headache specialist Dr. Vincent Martin. Amazingly, it's just the opposite. Oh, let the good times roll!
Martin stated this week that the increase in serotonin levels which happens during sex eases the pathways in the brain that can lead to and sustain a headache.
Now, this isn't to say that sex is the answer to all headaches or there would be massive tardiness in the corporate world every day. But, with the act itself being quite a bit more powerful than popping a few ibuprofen or aspirin, perhaps this new headache cure will be tested soon by, well, many.
“Mom, what’s Nymphomaniac?
- “It’s a female who’s addicted to sex.”
“Oh. Than what do they call men who are addicted to sex?”
- “Men”
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed
that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a
lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed
itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system
activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting
and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the
background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm
thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't
work on Wife 1.0. Please help!
Thanks,
Troubled User
_____________________________________
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men complain about. Many people
upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a
Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and
is designed by its creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to
delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to
uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not
allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child
Support. I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the
situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to
alleviate software augmentation. The best course of action is to enter
the command C:APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the
APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway. Wife
1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife
1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0,
Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2. However, be very careful how you use
these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program
Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of
Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and
Diamonds 5.0! WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install
Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by
Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck,
Tech Support
