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magickbrat's blog: "D/s"

created on 01/28/2008  |  http://fubar.com/d-s/b182649
If anyone were to ask what 'Dominance and submission' is, they would receive almost as many answers as people who practice it. D/s consists of a consensual relationship that is based around a power exchange between two people. One person is the controlling one, known as the Dominant; the other person is the controlled one, and is known as the submissive. The submissive gives a certain amount of 'power' to the Dominant over their lives. This can be as simple as the Dominant telling them what to wear each day, or can be as complex as the submissive having to ask the Dominant for permission to leave the room. The rights of the submissive are not taken from them, they are given freely, a submissive is with a Dominant by choice. The submissive wants to obey. If they did not want to be given guidance and instruction, they would not be with a Dominant. Many new people to the lifestyle think that being a dominate is very easy but in fact it is not. There is more to being a Dom than telling people what to do. Believing that you can tell a submissive what to do before you have established some sort of relationship that gives you that authority is a bit like believing that any man can tell any woman to have sex with him, because, after all, men have sex with women, right? Do not assume for even half a second that simply being a Dom grants you any authority or presumption of power over someone who is a submissive; this is foolish and misguided. Submissives, like all people, are human beings. Whenever you deal with human beings, before you've established any kind relationship, you will find that you have the best success if you treat them as people. You do not automatically get power by being a Dom; a submissive grants you that power. It's not yours by right. This is one of the basic cornerstones of consent--a submissive gives you power by consent, not by the simple virtue of being a submissive. In a D/s relationship there are a few essential tools that O/one should have: trust, communication, honesty and respect. Trust is essential to any relationship but it is crucial to a D/s relationship. Without trust, the relationship will falter and negative emotions and feelings will interfere. Without trust the individuals cannot grow, understand each other or be able to put 100% into the relationship. Trust in a D/s relationship goes far beyond the normal level of trust in a relationship. As a matter of fact trust is not what can be developed overnight or in a weeks period. It can take a very long time. Past experiences, fears and old scars have to be dealt with. Communication is vital for any relationship but much more so for this lifestyle. Without communication a D/s relationship cannot thrive. If you are afraid to be yourself, afraid to state your need or opinions, or hide away all your feelings, the relationship cannot be healthy. No matter what limitations may be imposed on the submissive, the sub must feel free to communicate, secure in the knowledge that all such communication will help the Dominant to understand her needs. Few things can destroy a D/s relationship quicker than the lack of communication. Do I really need to talk about honesty? Without honesty nothing will work out, all will be lost. Why lie? They are too hard to keep track of. R-E-S-P-E-C-T that is a big word with many different meanings to different people. The type of respect I am talking about is the kind of respect given to each other as human beings. Respect for differences as individuals. Respect for the differences between man and woman and how each live life. Respect for beliefs of individuals. If this basic human ideal is neglected we lose who we really are. Well in the beginning, this was going to be a very simple answer and it ended up as a partial essay, more about D/s relationships than the definitions of dominance or submission.
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