It seems like a lot of the ladies on MySpace/fubar have one of these "Perfect Guy" Blog entries. When a man reads one of those, it's kind of like dyslexia. You may have wrote "He won't mind going to see Melissa Etheridge with me," but what a man reads is,"He won't mind letting me walk on his back wearing 6" stilettos in front of 40,000 other women." Here's some humble requests to help weed out those girls that just aren't what a man deserves."
(Please note that I don't agree with all of the following, it's just basically for women to understand what they're requests sound like to a man. And it's reasonably funny.)
1."She'll want to pay her own way on a first date, just to prove that she's not a gold digger and she wants more than a few free Jager bombs and a ride on a mechanical bull."
2."She'll understand that when I eyeball and comment on other girls, it's not due to any fault of mine, but the fact that it's been ingrained in me from childhood by the media. She'll be so understanding, that she'll join in and point out any hot chicks I somehow missed."
3."She won't mind taking responsibility for the cleanliness of all living areas, and preparation of meals, with the exception of yardwork. See also: If God wanted women to wear watches, he wouldn't have put a clock on the stove."
4."She'll be caring, and know that misery doesn't always love company. Hence when her monthly visitor comes, she'll make sure I do too."
5."She'll know that when I don't hold her hair back while she's puking it's just because I don't have enough hair to hold back and I wouldn't want her to feel guilt about being unable to return the favor."
6."She won't expect me to comfort her when she's crying; she know's I'll be laughing about the same minor problem with her tomorrow."
7."She'll find just the right way to tell me she loves me at those special times, like when I'm at work, when I'm driving, when I'm fishing, or the old standby, while I'm playing XBOX."
8."She won't expect me to cuddle, because she'll be too busy occupying the wet spot."
9."She'd never acuse me of having a fear of commitment. She knows we don't fear commitment, we hate it."
10."She'll think that for every man driving a minivan, there's a woman with a severed pair of balls in her pocketbook, just like I do."
11."She'll know that the poles in the basement aren't really there to hold the house up."
12."She'll know that keeping a man sexually satisfied is not an easy job, and there's no shame in asking a girlfriend for help."
13."She'll make sure that the refrigerator is constantly well stocked with alcoholic beverages. No ones ever heard a priest complain about the church having too much holy water. Same concept."
14."She'll know how to set the VCR up to record when no ones home."
15."She won't have eyes for any other man, because she knows anyone better looking than me is either gay or has GonnaHerpeSyphilAIDS."
16."She won't mind me being a porn star, because she knows I don't love those other girls, I just love that they can put their legs behind their head."
17."She won't tell stories about her ex'es because she knows they're about as interesting to me as monster truck commentators are to her."
18.She'll know that the perfect women aren't born, they're trained, and she won't mind gathering her friends and helping add to this blog entry!"
