Just Ride's blog: "Catch-All"

Little Johnny was 7 years old and like other boys his age rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about 'making out' from the older boys, and he wondered what it was and how it was done. One day he took his question to his mother, who became rather flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny, she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did. The following morning, Johnny described EVERYTHING to his mother. "Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while, then he turned off most of the lights. Then he started kissing and hugging her. I figured 'Sis must be getting sick, because her face started looking funny. He must have thought so too, because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart, just the way the doctor would. Except he's not as smart as the doctor because he seemed to have trouble finding her heart. I guess he was getting sick too, because pretty soon both of them started panting and getting all out of breath. His other hand must have been cold because he put it under her skirt. About this time 'Sis got worse and began to moan and sigh and squirm around and slide down toward the end of the couch. This was when her fever started. I knew it was a fever, because Sis told him she felt really hot. Finally, I found out what was making them so sick......-a big eel ;had gotten inside his pants somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and stood there, about 10 inches long, honest, anyway he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from getting away. When Sis saw it, she got really scared-her eyes got big, and her mouth fell open, and she started calling out to God and stuff like that. She said it was the biggest one she's ever seen; I should tell her about the ones down at the lake by our house! Anyway, Sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by biting its head off. All of a sudden she grabbed it with both hands and held it tight while he took a muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over the eel's head to keep it from biting again. Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could get a scissor-lock on it and he helped by lying on top of the eel. The eel put up a hell of a fight. Sis started groaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they wanted to kill the eel by squashing it between them. After a while they both quit moving and gave a great sigh. Her boyfriend got up, and sure enough, they killed the eel. I knew because it just hung there, limp, and some of its insides were hanging out. Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the battle, but they went back to courting anyway. He started hugging and kissing her again. By golly, the eel wasn't dead! It jumped straight up and started to fight again. I guess eels are like cats- they have nine lives or something. This time, Sis jumped up and tried to kill it by sitting on it. After about a 35 minute struggle, they finally killed the eel. I knew it was dead, because I saw Sis's boyfriend peel its skin off and flush it down the toilet.

Scenario: Jack pulls into school parking lot with rifle in gun rack. 1956 - Vice Principal comes over, takes a look at Jack's rifle, goes to his car and gets his to show Jack. 2006 - School goes into lockdown, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers. ++++++++++++++++++++++ Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school. 1956 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up best friends. Nobody goes to jail, nobody arrested, nobody expelled. 2006 - Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark. Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Scenario: Jeffrey won't be still in class, disrupts other students. 1956 - Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by Principal. Sits still in class. 2006 - Jeffrey given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. School gets extra money from state because Jeffrey has a disability. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his father's car and his Dad gives him a whipping. 1956 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman. 2006 - Billy's Dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to foster care and joins a gang. Billy's sister is told by state psychologist that she remembers being abused herself and their Dad goes to prison. Billy's mom has affair with psychologist. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Scenario: Mark gets a headache and takes some headache medicine to school. 1956 - Mark shares headache medicine with Principal out on the smoking dock. 2006 - Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug violations. Car searched for drugs and weapons. +++++++++++++++++++++++++ Scenario: Mary turns up pregnant. 1956 - 5 High School Boys leave town. Mary does her senior year at a special school for expectant mothers. 2006 - Middle School Counselor calls Planned Parenthood, who notifies the ACLU. Mary is driven to the next state over and gets an abortion without her parent's consent or knowledge. Mary given condoms and told to be more careful next time. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Scenario: Pedro fails high school English. 1956: Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes to college. 2006: Pedro's cause is taken up by state democratic party. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against state school system and Pedro's English teacher. English banned from core curriculum. Pedro given diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he can't speak English. +++++++++++++++++++++ Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from the 4th of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, blows up a red ant bed. 1956 - Ants die. 2006 - BATF, Homeland Security, FBI called. Johnny charged with domestic terrorism, FBI investigates parents, siblings removed from home, computers confiscated, Johnny's Dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again. +++++++++++++++++++++ Scenario: Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary, hugs him to comfort him. 1956 - In a short time Johnny feels better and goes on playing. 2006 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Is something wrong here????

For those of you living in frigid freakin temperatures right now.....here's something kinda fun to do :) My son came home with this from science class the other day, so of course i had to try it :) Boil some water, and then take a cup full of it and toss it in the freezing cold air....(don't throw the cup, just the water) Most of it will evaporate before hitting the ground and it looks kinda cool. Just a little something to pass the Winter blues..... Love Ya, XOXO Ryan

Through the Eyes of a Rapist This is important information for females of ALL ages. Guys - please forward to the female members of your family and all your female friends and associates. Please pass it along. A group of rapists and date rapists in prison were interviewed on what they look for in a potential victim and here are some interesting facts : 1) The first thing men look for in a potential victim is hairstyle. They are most likely to go after a woman with a ponytail, bun, braid or other hairstyle that can easily be grabbed. They are also likely to go after a woman with long hair. Women with short hair are not common targets. 2) The second thing men look for is clothing. They will look for women who's clothing is easy to remove quickly. Many of them carry scissors around specifically to cut clothing. 3) They also look for women on their cell phone, searching through their purse or doing other activities while walking because they are off guard and can be easily overpowered. 4) Men are most likely to attack & rape in the early morning, between 5:00a.m. and 8:30a.m. 5) The number one place women are abducted from/attacked is grocery store parking lots. Number two is office parking lots/garages. Number three is public restrooms. 6) The thing about these men is that they are looking to grab a woman and quickly move her to another location where they don't have to worry about getting caught. 7) Only 2% said they carried weapons because rape carries a 3-5 year sentence but rape with a weapon is 15-20 years. 8) If you put up any kind of a fight at all, they get discouraged because it only takes a minute or two for them to realize that going after you isn't worth it because it will be time-consuming. 9) These men said they would not pick on women who have umbrellas, or other similar objects that can be used from a distance, in their hands. Keys are not a deterrent because you have to get really close to the attacker to use them as a weapon. So, the idea is to convince these guys you're not worth it. 10) Several defense mechanisms he taught us are: If someone is following behind you on a street or in a garage or with you in an elevator or stairwell, look them in the face and ask them a question, like what time is it, or make general small talk: "I can't believe it is so cold out here", "we're in for a bad winter." Now you've seen their face and could identify them in a line-up; you lose appeal as a target. 11) If someone is coming toward you, hold out your hands in front of you and yell STOP or STAY BACK! Most of the rapists this man talked to said they'd leave a woman alone if she yelled or showed that she would not be afraid to fight back. Again, they are looking for an EASY target. 12) If you carry pepper spray (this instructor was a huge advocate of it and carries it with him wherever he goes,) yell I HAVE PEPPER SPRAY and holding it out will be a deterrent. 13) If someone grabs you, you can't beat them with strength but you can by outsmarting them. If you are grabbed around the waist from behind, pinch the attacker either under the arm (between the elbow and armpit) OR in the upper inner thigh VERY VERY HARD. One! woman in a class this guy taught told him she used the underarm pinch on a guy who was trying to date rape her and was so upset she broke through the skin and tore out muscle strands - the guy needed stitches. Try pinching yourself in those places as hard as you can stand it; it hurts. 14) After the initial hit, always GO for the GROIN. I know from a particularly unfortunate experience that if you slap a guy's parts it is extremely painful. You might think that you'll anger the guy and make him want to hurt you more, but the thing these rapists told our instructor is that they want a woman who will not cause a lot of trouble. Start causing trouble, and he's out of there. 15) When the guy puts his hands up to you, grab his first two fingers and bend them back as far as possible with as much pressure pushing down on them as possible The instructor did it to me without using much pressure, and I ended up on my knees and both knuckles cracked audibly. 16) Of course the things we always hear still apply. Always be aware of your surroundings, take someone with you if you can and if you see any odd behavior, don't dismiss it, go with your instincts!!! You may feel a little silly at the time, but you'd feel much worse if the guy really was trouble. PLEASE READ THEN FORWARD THIS TO EVERY WOMAN YOU KNOW, IT'S SIMPLE STUFF BUT IT COULD SAVE HER LIFE!

You're on my friends list or just reading my blog. I'd like to know 25 things about you. Thanks! You'll be surprised how much you didn't know about your friends after this! Copy and paste questions and answers in a comment. 1. Ever punch someone in the face? 2. How old are you? 3. Are you single or taken? 4. Eat with your hands or utensils? 5. Do you dream at night? 6. Ever seen a corpse? 7. Have you ever wished someone dead? 8. Do You Like Bush, the president? HERE COMES THE FUN ... ... ... 9. Whats your philosophy on life? and death? 10. If you could do anything with me, and have no one know about it, what would it be? 11. Do you trust the police? 12. Do you like country music? 13. What is your fondest memory of me? 14. If you could change anything about yourself would you? 15. Would you date me? 16. What do you wear to sleep? 17. What did you think when you first met me? 18. Would you hide evidence for me if I asked you to? 19. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together? 20. What is your favorite thing about me? 21. Do you think I'm attractive? 22. What's your favorite color? 23. If you could bring back anyone that has passed, who would it be? 24. Tell me one interesting/odd fact about you? 25. Will you post this so I can fill it out for you?

I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age. A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Do you think I'll live to be 80?" He asked, "Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?" "Oh no," I replied. "I'm not doing drugs, either."Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?"I said, "No, my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!" "Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling? ""No I don't," I said. He asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?" "No," I said. "I don't do any of those things." He looked at me and said, "Then, why do you give a shit?"

R: Fuckin crazy Y: One of the best damn bf/gf one could ask for. A: Very broad minded. N: Loves to Party Thats a great name! Ur Turn: A: Very broad minded. B: Likes people C: Is wild and crazy. D: Has one of the best personalities ever. E: A freaking good kisser. F: People adore you. G: Never let people tell you what to do. H: Have a very good personality and looks. I: Fuckin awesome. J: Lives life for fun. K: Really silly. L: Loved by everyone M: Makes dating fun.. N: Loves to Party O: Is best in bed P: Popular with all types of people. Q: A hypocrite. R: Fuckin crazy S: Easy to fall in love with T: Loyal to those you love U: Really like to chill. V: Not judgemental. W: Very broad minded. X: Never let people tell you what to do. Y: One of the best damn bf/gf one could ask for. Z: Always ready.