| subject: | A Tale of a Crystal Meth Addiction |
| post date: | 2007-05-17 17:43:33 |
| views: 258 comments: 8 ratings: 0 |
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It hurts to know that
the way I'm feeling is caused only by myself.
And even though the physical wounds left on my body
were put there by the hands of another
it's me that's accountable for all the scars inside.
How was it possible for me to be so blind, for so long
to all the wrong I have done and hurt I have caused
without even knowing I was blind to it?
How did I fool myself into believing that the wrong I was doing
wasn't that wrong,
and the hurt I was inflicting wasn't that painful?
Even the times I truly thought the decisions I was making
were honest and pure,
still turned out to still be jaded by the same billowing fog that had
apparently never left,
but instead had only just ever so slightly subsided long enough for
me to believe that I was as solid as I always thought I had been.
It's only just now that I can honestly say
with a clear mind and conscience,
how unbelievably wrong and selfish I was to let myself think
I was not doing the things I was in fact doing,
Or even worse
not believing I was hurting people who have never done anything
but love and care for me.
The thing that hurts the most though
is not the damage I've allowed myself to cause in my own life
but for the dissapointment and heartache
I've caused to people who have only ever just wanted to see me suceed
in life.
There will never be an apology acceptable enough for me to offer
these people,
or even a way for me to sincerely show them how undeniably sorry I am
for taking advantage of the kindness they've always shown me
and the hand they've always held out for me to hold
whenever I would fall.
I doubt I will ever be able to truly return the generosity I was given....
I can only hope that those I have done wrong by
will find it in their hearts to forgive my actions and hopefully accept
the kindness I can offer as well as the hand I will extend
out to them....
just in case there is ever a moment in time where they need to be
picked up too.
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(goin all the way nowhere with witty...)
