Sometimes I hate the Feeling of Love... Utterly and
Completely. Im not saying that I will never love
anyone. What my problem seems to be is that I feel
like I love too many people at one time. I know im
supposed to love the one im with but most of the time
I dont want to be in the same room as her. But I am in
love with a few different people. But then again, Im
not even sure if it really is true love. What is True
Love. We are all force fed the same Connotations of
what love is supposed to be, and how it should feel
like some warm tingling sensation within our body. But
With the ways Im feeling with these girls, im not
quite understanding what is going on. Each one gives
me that feeling of complete satisfaction of just being
in there pressence. We laugh and chat for hours. I
share commonalities with each one of them, but each of
them is completely different from the next. And due to
circumstances that keep me binded away from, or
situations they are in, it proves most difficult to
try and perssue anything beyond a jovial
aqquantanceship with them. But if I were to move past
certain Morality based "Un-written laws", non of this
would be a problem. At least not for me. And at the
same time, Im not even sure if the feelings I have
reside on a Two way street. Oh I know they like me.
Otherwise we would be friends. We would 'hang out' and
chat it up over mundane things for hours while hanging
out in dinners, or over drinks, or at parties. So I
know there is a connection of some sort between me And
them. But I dont know if they have the Spark that i
sometimes feel as i look upon them. And all this feels
like so much more than a crush did back in school. Im
not sitting in a desk day dreaming about these girls,
wondering when the next time I'll see them. No this
feels like so much more than that. I can, pretty much
at anytime, get ahold of any one of them and go out
have a nice time. It makes me happy just to be next to
one of them and to just gaze upon them while sit and
talk and laugh at funny situations, or make fun of one
of our other friends (as always, only in jest). I feel
like a whole person when im with one of these girls.
And isnt that what True love is supposed to be?
Finding that one person that is supposed to be other
half of you soul? the one person who is suppose to
complete your existance? I thought I had found that. I
know I have found something close. I can see myself
growing old with these girls, and living out my life
in extreme happyness. But how should I choose? How Can
I choose? What if persue one only to have it go awry,
and then find out that the others dont want me because
I did so miserably with the first. I get all worked up
of thinking about each one in this way and tears my
mind trying to figure this shit out. I hate the fact
that I feel so whole heartedly in love with these
people, but not knowing how to express it, or how to
approach them about it. And I sit, and think. and sit.
and think some more. and the more I think about it,
the less i like the situation im in. And because im so
torn about all of them, I feel the only escape is to
delve deeper into the world of apathy and take a long
stand against love. I try to fight love, not because I
hate it so much. I try to fight these feelings because
i feel them so strongly. Apathy. the oposit of love is
not hate, its Apathy. my only sheild in a world of
perpetual Emotion. Fucking emotions. Fuck Emotions.
Fuck Emo. and Fuck you F.O.B.... So for now I play the
Waiting Game...
WWTSD? (Probably jump into is ferrari and solve some
crimes... fuck you higgins...). Apathy Forever.
*Raises Fist*. Fuck.
