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On thanksgiving day in front of all my so called friends my X Dom begged me to marry him saying he was sorry for all he had put me threw and wanted to make things good again and make me happy..Although my friends all said i was crazy i told him yes ( a Dom on his knees begging and with tears in his eyes is not a sight you usualy see ) well now thay are mad and as much as i plead wont talk to me.....Come the fallowing Monday ths Domly one took me out for a wonderful dinner and shoping on the way home tells me to move out the Master bedroom He has a new slave coming and start packing cause he wants me out His home within a week. As if i aint upset and inbaresed enough He informs me He wants all my birthday and christmass gifts back...........HAHA merry christmass to this lil fool.. I called my friends and was told drop dead well i sat there that next friday night thinking about this past year ...all the friends who have died and the ones who killed themselves and remembered i had 4 lil bottles of somas and morphine and vic;s and decied maybe thats why i never tok them ( remember i was extreamly upset ) just as i was about to start poping them a friend of mine ( hartzway) calls on the phone and knows what i am about to do ( how he still wont say ) but anyway calms me down and talk to me the whole night away......Things got a little better the next day..seems the new slave took the Domly one's money and ran..never even showed up < smile > but now He thinks he's playing a new game of cat and mouse...telling me he loves me and still wishes to marry me (HA) that will be the day..but i'm doing better and still looking for my way and next time i feel that way this lil subbmissive is cutting him down not putting myself in the grave. so now my new saying is.........NEVER UNDERESTAMATE A WOMAN SCORNED To al you players out there......What goes around DOES come around and you'll get yours But thank the Goddess for friends like Hartzway And to the Donly one (LMFAO ) revinge will be sooooooooo sweet

This is where i am supose to sit and write something..well here it goes and i dont care what anyone thinks i was asked to use this to express myself and let someone know if i was ok or what i was feeling well i'm feeling very confused and goddess i dont know where the ( forgive my english ) strinth came from but i told Master Mark off today..i stood up to him after all this time of mind controll and abouse ( and i dont mean BDSM ) that aint cracked ribs and such .i feel relife gilt and confused as to where it all came from. but i did it and feel like a huge weight was lifted and i know he will never hurt me again... i think he may even be alittle afraid of me now... Oh i am a submissive but i had enough and wasnt going to take any more Ashki.....did i do good? To all my Freinds ~~~kiss~~~~ i'm ok now..i'm still a winner

BDSM

BDSM TOTAL MIND CONTROLL ( Just my thought's on mind controll part ) In the BDSM world alot of Dom's use mind controll to keep the submissive in controll ...Why you may ask ....To bend the mind into giving up free will ( or so I have been told ) But as a person and humanbeing in my thought's total mind controll is the worst way to treat a submissive.As I have said befor ......Submmising is a gift not something that should be takin lightly and to give such a thing is one of the hardest and most giving way a sub can say I love you Striping away ones self and molding the sub's mind to acept and do the thing's the Dom wants.But is this love ? Is it truly submissing ?I say no...In my thought's it is a way of robing one of their true self and a way of being selfish. We are who and what we are to make us a indivusal. In time the sub will go threw a burn out stag ( i have been there so I know this one frist hand ) It's where the mind can acept nothing but try's to acept eveything ( not a pretty sight ) It become's total caos and doesn't know what to do any more ...acept what is happening or not to.It creates total confusion.What then I ask ? To me and in my mind this is just another way to abouse a PERSON let alone sub. And I know what alot of you are thinking right about now..WHAT THE HELL DOES SHE KNOW...I know alot from being a 24/7 slave and have been for the past 8 years ..I have gone threw the mind controll and the phical abouse of it and it's not just in BDSM but in all aspect's of life And as I said this is just my thought's and my feeling's on this subjuct. If you wish I'd love to hear your's as well.And i hope to post alot more on these topic's in the day's and week's to come. Deanna (Goth) Sysco
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