BAND GIRLFRIENDS GUIDE TO KEEPING YOUR MAN
(By those who know)
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-Don't try to be the "manager." Do not get involved with band business, that is for the band.
-Don't ask his bandmates for relationship advice.
-Do not complain when your (insert holiday here) date gets cancelled because a show has been scheduled. Holidays are no longer yours. Even Valentines Day!
-It's NOT mandatory that you be at every show.
-Do not get jealous when your boyfriend talks to groupies. They are the one's buying the CDs and merch, not you, so let them have their time. And remember...you get to go home with him!
-Babies don't make men quit bands...especially if you were a groupie.
-No, the band does not want you to go on tour with them. Like you're going to sleep in the back of a van and eat ramen for 4 months strait!
-Don't make the following introduction: Hi! I'm _____. My boyfriend is in ______.
-Don't follow him around at shows like a lost puppy, he is taking care of business, find your own crowd.
-Don't go to band practice. And it's normal to have practice more than once a week.
-Do not assume everyone loves your boyfriend's band.
-Don't make out with other band members girlfriends at the bar. Save that for the after party.
-Don't turn yourself into a walking flyer for your boyfriend's band. The shirt is fine, but must you break out the hat, the hoodie, AND the stickers on your ass?
-Do not stand in front of your boyfriend while he is onstage and stare at him like he is the greatest singer in the world.
-No rumpshaka dances during the show, that is unless your man is in 2 Live Crew.
-Do not change your style based on the type of band you date. Going from preppy to Nu Metal to hardcore just shows you are not your own individual.
-If he calls while out on the road, don't complain about when he is coming home. You're lucky he is using the quarter to call you, instead of buying gas or food.
-Never say anything negative about your man's band that you cannot say to him. It will only come back to bite you in the ass.
-If you're a stripper, keep work on the pole, not at shows. Not everyone wants to know you shop at FREDRICKS!
-Never cause a fight right before your man goes on stage. Relationship problems can be dealt with after the show.
-If they have a show out of town, don't drive just so you and your boy can have "alone time". Because you want to "talk".
-Don't buy your man a new instrument so he and his band mates can match
-You cannot drink on the band's tab! Buy your own. The Tour Manager works for the band, not the girlfriends. Get your own ass into catering, etc
-Keep the band separate from your everyday life. That's your boyfriend's passion; find your own.
-Do not complain when your boyfriend puts his John Hancock on another woman's breasts.....he is just expressing his artistic creativity.
-Get a support group...hanging out with other 'band widows' can be therapeutic. Just don't get too close to the other gals b/c chances are your boyfriend's jackass bandmates will cheat on these girls and you will be trapped in an awkward situation.
-You are obligated to work the merch booth without complaint.
and finally....
-Never become a band girlfriend if being a priority in your boyfriend's life is something you consider to be crucial to a relationship.
