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25 Signs you've Grown Up

25 SIGNS YOU HAVE GROWN UP 1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them. 2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question. 3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge. 4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed. 5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator. 6. You watch the Weather Channel. 7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and "break up." 8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14. 9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up." 10. You're the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won't turn down the stereo. 11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you. 12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore. 13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up. 14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers. 15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt. 16. You take naps. 17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one. 18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset,rather than settle, your stomach. 19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests. 20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good shit." 21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time. 22. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again." 23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work. 24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar. 25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking "Oh shit what the hell happened?" Bonus: 26: You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old ass.
Driving Directions for Detroit 1. First, you must learn to pronounce the city name. It's Di-troit. NOT DEE-troit. If you pronounce it DEE-Troit then we will assume you are from Toledo and here for the country Music hoe-down. 2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Detroit has its own version of traffic rules... Hold on and pray! 3. The morning rush hour is from 6:00am to 10:00am. The evening rush hour is from 3:00pm to 7:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning. Weekends are open game. 4. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed out and possibly shot. If you're first off the starting line when the light turns green, count to five before going. This will avoid getting in the way of cross-traffic who just ran their yellow light to keep from getting shot. 5. Schoenherr can ONLY be properly pronounced by a native of the Detroit metro area. That goes for Gratiot too. 6. Construction and renovation on I-94,I-96, I-75,I-275,I-375, The Lodge and The Southfield Freeways are a way of life. Just deal with it. 7. If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect or they are out-of-towners" 8. All old men with white hair wearing a hat have total right-of-way. 9. The minimum acceptable speed on I-696 is 85 regardless of the posted speeds. Anything less is considered downright SISSY. Oh, and don't even think of allowing more than one car length between cars! 10. That attractive wrought iron on the windows and doors in Detroit is NOT ornamental. DO NOT get out of your car. 11. Never stare at the driver of the car with the bumper sticker that says "Keep honking, I'm reloading." 12. If you are in the left lane, and only going 70 in a 60 mph zone, people are not waving 'because they are so friendly in Detroit. I would suggest you duck. 13. I-275/I-696 is our daily version of NASCAR. 14. It's not M-10, it's "the Lodge". 15. That's not a lake, it's a pothole. 16. If someone tells you it's on Outer Drive, you better hope you have a map. 17. The left turn is simple. If you want to turn left, go a 1/4 of a mile past your turn, get to the left, then make a left, then make a right. NOW you have gone left. ENJOY YOUR STAY, BUT AVOID EYE-CONTACT WITH THE LOCALS

Are you from Michigan??

1. You've never met any celebrities. 2. "Vacation" means going to Cedar Point. 3. At least 1 member of your family disowns you the week of the Michigan/Michigan State game. 4. Half the change in your pocket is Canadian 5. You drive 86 mph on the highway and pass on the right. 6. Your idea of a traffic jam is 40 cars waiting to pass an orange barrel. 7. You know how to play (and pronounce) Euchre. 8. It's easy to get VERNORS Ginger Ale, Sanders Hot Fudge sauce and Faygo Pop. 9. You know how to pronounce "Mackinac." 10. You've had to switch on the "heat" and the "A/C" in the same day. 11. You bake with SODA and drink a POP. 12. The movie "Escanaba in Da Moonlight" wasn't funny. You consider it a documentary. 13. Your little league game was snowed out. 14. The word "thumb" has geographical meaning, rather than anatomical significance. 15. You show people where you grew up by pointing to a spot on the back of your left hand. 16. Traveling coast-to-coast means driving from Port Huron to Muskegon. 17. You measure distance in minutes. 18. When giving directions, you refer to "A Michigan Left." 19. You know that Kalamazoo not only exists, but it is either raining or snowing there. 20. Your year has 2 seasons: Winter and Construction. 21. Home Depot on any Saturday is busier than toy stores at Christmas. 22. You know when it has rained because of the smell of worms. 23. Owning a Japanese car was a hangin' offense in your hometown. 24. Everyone you meet out of state thinks you know Eminem personally. 25. You actually understand everything I just said Pass this on if you're from Michigan ------------------------------------------------ *Another one* "You Might be from Michigan" If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in Michigan If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights each year because Pelston is the coldest spot in the nation, you might live in Michigan. If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, you might live in Michigan. If you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the year, you might live in Michigan. If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there, you might live in Michigan. If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in Michigan. If you have worn shorts and a coat at the same time, you might live in Michigan. If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live in Michigan. If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in Michigan. You know you're a true MICHIGANDER when... 1. "Vacation" means going up north on I-75. 2. You measure distance in hours. 3. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once. 4. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day. 5. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching. 6. You see people wearing fall formal wear = camouflage at social events (including weddings). 7. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked. 8. You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them. 9. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit. 10. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow. 11. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction. 12. You can identify a southern or eastern accent. 13. Your idea of creative landscaping is a deer 'bow target' next to your blue spruce. 14. You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age. 15. Down South to you means Ohio 16. A Muskrat is something you can eat. 17. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole barn, 18. You go out to fishfry every Friday. 19. Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost. 20. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car. 21. You find 0 degrees "a little chilly." 22. You drink pop and bake with soda. 23. Your doctor tells you to drink Vernors and you know it's not medicine. 24. You know what a Yooper is. 25. You think owning a Honda is UnAmerican. 26. You know that UP is a place not a direction 27. You know it's possible to live in a thumb. 28. You understand that when visiting Detroit, the best thing to wear is a Kevlar vest. 29. You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Michigan friends
Your alarm goes off, you hit the snooze and sleep for another 10 minutes. He stays up for days on end. __________________________ You take a warm shower to help you wake up. He goes days or weeks without running water. __________________________ You complain of a "headache", and call in sick. He gets shot at, as others are hit, and keeps moving forward. __________________________ You put on your anti war/don't support the troops shirt, and go meet up with your friends. He still fights for your right to wear that shirt. __________________________ You make sure you're cell phone is in your pocket. He clutches the cross hanging on his chain next to his dog tags. __________________________ You talk trash on your "buddies" that aren't with you. He knows he may not see some of his buddies again. __________________________ You don't feel like helping out your dad today, so you don't. He does what he is told. __________________________ You walk down the beach, staring at all the pretty girls. He walks the streets, searching for insurgents and terrorists. __________________________ You complain about how hot it is. He wears his heavy gear, not daring to take off his helmet to wipe his brow. __________________________ You go out to lunch, and complain because the restaurant got your order wrong. He does not get to eat today. __________________________ Your maid makes your bed and washes your clothes. He wears the same things for months, but makes sure his weapons are clean. __________________________ You go to the mall and get your hair redone. He doesn't have time to brush his teeth today. __________________________ You are angry because your class ran 5 minutes over. He is told he will be held an extra 2 months. __________________________ You call your girlfriend and set a date for that night. He waits for the mail to see if there is a letter from home. __________________________ You hug and kiss your girlfriend, like you do everyday. He holds his letter close and smells his love's perfume. __________________________ You ditch class to go to a movie. He goes where he is told. __________________________ You roll your eyes as a baby cries. He gets a letter with pictures of his new child, and wonders if they'll ever meet. __________________________ You criticize your government, and say that war never solves anything. He sees the innocent tortured and killed by their own government and remembers why he is fighting. __________________________ You hear the jokes about the war, and make fun of the men like him. He hears the gun fire and bombs. __________________________ You see only what the media wants you to see. He sees the bodies lying around him. __________________________ You are asked to go to the store by your parents. You don't. He does what he is told. __________________________ You stay at home and watch tv. He takes whatever time he is given to call and write home, sleep, and eat. __________________________ You crawl into your bed, with down pillows, and try to get comfortable. He crawls under a tank for shade and a 5 minute nap, only to be woken by gun fire. __________________________ You sit there and judge him, saying the world is a worse place because of men like him. If only there were more men like him HUSBANDS/WIVES, SONS/DAUGHTERS, COUSINS, FRIENDS ARE OUT THERE FIGHTING AND RISKING THEIR LIVES FOR US!! PLEASE SUPPORT OUR TROOPS!! "Lord, hold our troops in your loving hands...Protect them as they protect us. Bless them and their families for the selfless acts they perform for us in our time of need. I ask this in the name of Jesus, our Lord and Savior. Amen."

LIFE

THEY SAY ONE THING... THEY MEAN ANOTHER. I AM SO SICK AND TIRED OF THE GAMES, THE DRAMA, AND THE HURT. CANT PEOPLE JUST COME OUT AND SAY WHAT THEY WANT AND WHAT THEY MEAN, AND JUST BE HONEST. INSTEAD OF TEARING MY LIFE APART???? WHATS THE POINT IN HAVING FRIENDS IF THEY ARE JUST GOING TO MAKE YOU CRY IN THE END? ITS NOT WORTH IT TO ME. LIFE IS JUST WAY TO SHORT TO BE FAKE.
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