naughtycheffa's blog: "addy"

A familiar feeling forms from the base of my anesthetised spine,

It creeps up on this cloudy mind as it swims in chaotic confusion,

My addiction once more takes hold of this beleaguered soul,

Tormented yet again to find an excuse for this demise,

 This habit craving in its infatuation,

Blurring life's edges enough to bear the abhorrent horrors,

Ensnaring me in the spiralling circles of its obsession,

Craving relief from mans hatred of its self,

In compulsion I re-light, snort, pop or open another can,

A need dependent on a human weakness,

Or weaknesses of humanity,

And in my reliance of this drug I stay the addict they made me,

She helps me through my mania in a fascination to see myself survive,

Another binge, all night session or afternoon livener,

A fixation on my death not yet see come to term,

I hunger for more in my thirst for the grim reapers touch on this withered shoulder,

As my appetite grows larger for maximum destruction,

Yearning for my own carnage,

My dependence growing ever stronger for this cancerous crutch on which I lean,

Am I just its patsy in its conspiracy to defraud my broken mind?

A fall guy for the statistic of governmental issue,

Or am I just mentally constrained from life's freedoms by my own fixations bondages,

Bound to this drug in my own Achilles' heel,

And disadvantaged by my own failures,

In failing to face my own fiends,

Pass me by,

For I am just an addict.

First summers kiss on late spring’s breeze,

Caressing gently across young skin,

Salted sea airs piquant taste lost in each other’s eyes,

And jogged once more in tears of autumns sad farewell,

This interlude has past again in to the lengthening shadows,

As life’s orchestra once more takes its seat,

To play out life in blue notes,

Dead leaves clatter in turmoil,

Coughing to stillness of a winters midnight hour,

And the band begins to play out your next smile less chapter,

Nights spent gazing at darkness in its cloudless beauty,

Stars winking in unnoticed magnificence, lost on you,

Waiting for your next interlude to begin,

Wandering through grey rain,

Festivities gaiety bringing respite from a misery to heavy to bear,

Snows bleak touch on brown earth and lifeless trees,

No longer lift this black cloud from over head,

And somewhere in a distant life a clock slowly ticks away,

Furrowed brows no longer smoothed in a mothers touch,

Crow’s feet replace these laughter lines that lit your days,

But still we look for signs of our next intermission to take its hold,

Happiness to flood this slowing heart,

To warm this frozen soul,

To breath joy back in to this greying wreck,

Just once more before the reaper claims its prize,

Just one more statistic on this the memory of a world that’s forgotten how to care,

And lived in a careless time,

A serious world all too lost in itself to remember,

Of our interludes of happiness,

Too busy to stop and feel the joy of youth as once we would,

The forgotten life of sand between toes,

The sweet sugar kiss of chocolate rushes,

The night before the morning after,

Standing still just to breath the new season,

To watch life reborn in suns first kiss,

To busy just to catch one falling leaf,

No time to taste that one unique snowflake,

We miss the lakeside birds swooping to waters of blue,

Four weeks a year to chill from a lifetime of work,

Whoring ourselves out to grasp the masters never-ending buck,

Brushing by in a world of strangers,

Caught up in this tangled web we weaved upon ourselves,

Blue skies covered in clouds of white,

Drifting effortlessly across its expressionless face,

But seeing only the shadowing of black,

We turn and walk on by,

Forgetting to look beyond,

But do we miss through looking,

And aggressive searching’s,

Our true interludes of happiness.

11^th September 2007