Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!! I just want to fucking rip this fucking shit, tear my fuckin' bloody guts out and smear it all over your goddamn fucking faces! I fucking hate it! It's not fair!!!
So I had another one of those fucked up dreams. Yeah, same fucking shit but different place. Me, being all fuckin' emotional and shit.... Taking that same fucking knife, slicing my fucking arms and legs. I see the blood. I feel the blood and I fucking taste the blood. Then my dreams always end with me slicing my throat. I feel it...it's always so painful but I don't die... I wake up.
Why the hell do I have these dreams still? I'm not a cutter anymore. I haven't harmed myself in the longest time, so why do these dreams still haunt me? And I hadn't been the only one that's dreamed them....Kari had a dream of me doing the same shit.
Goddamn, it's so fuckin' tempting at times. But I can't... I wish that I could just take all the bad shit, negative shit away.... I'm tired of crying myself to sleep....Tired of waking up in tears.... Tired of hidden tears. I don't know how much longer of a straight face I can handle...
I just want to cry right now but I can't. I just hate myself...I hate myself more and more each day. I know that I have a good life right now...but I just hate how I look, who I am and shit... sigh.... I don't know what to do....
