lc's blog: "A look inside"

The rules are: Once you've been tagged you have to write a blog with 10 weird or random things, facts, or habits about yourself. At the end, you choose 5 people to be tagged. No tag backs. 1) I hate cooked carrots. 2) I battle inner demons on a daily basis. 3) I'm quickly learning who my real friends are 4) People wearing hats indoors irritates me to no end. 5) My favorite tv show is COPS 6) I wish I was as creative as people think I am 7) My biggest fear is that I'm really a coward 8) The smartest thing I ever read was on a bathroom wall. 9) I still doubt Jim Morisson's death 10) White roses are my favorite flower. I tag: My fu-fiancee ***Jay*** Drew Violets Rikk Punkin

Here's another look inside the man who was, and will become again, Wolfie. I was raised to be above the influence of prejudice, but I forgot how I was raised for a long time. When I moved to CA in 2001, I found myself in a whole new world and forgot all about my old one. I was raised in the south where prejudice is (according to people who don't know the truth) running rampant, but it's nowhere near as open as it was in Shasta County, CA. I was away from everything and everyone I knew, and I was scared. I noticed that everyone seemed to stay on their own side of town. I actually got mad when the people I had been introduced to said their little slurs, but I was outnumbered. I tried to fight the influence, but the influence slowly won the battle. I became the person I hated out of fear for my own survival. Now it's almost 7 years later and I'm filled with regret from the words that I've spoken. I don't know how to make amends for what I've said and done over the last few years, but I am trying. I'm not that person anymore, and I am ashamed that I bowed down to ignorance rather than fight for what I know is right. I'm sure you're bored with this by now so I will end it here. I truly am sorry for the things I've said and done. The only way I can prove this is through my present and future actions.

Few people know me, and even fewer people like me. But for those who care, here's a look inside of Wolfie. I stopped in a truck stop tonight. It was a familiar one but one that I hadn't visited in quite some time. It didn't take me long to realize why I had not stopped there in 3 years. My father introduced me to this particular truck stop, and for a few years (with the exception of my grandmother's funeral) the only words I have exchanged with the man have been profanities and promises of harm. He used to stop in and have breakfast twice a week at this place. I had not stopped here because I knew this and was avoiding any chance of confrontation with the man. I thought it was safe tonight since his run has changed and there would be no chance of seeing him. I was wrong. When I sat down I immediately remembered our last meeting here, but was quickly able to put it out of my mind. Then the waitress came over and my introspective began. She was a nice lady, and didn't know the can of worms she was opening when she asked if I was my father's son (she called him by name). I replied that he was responsible for getting my mom pregnant but I really didn't want to talk about him. She said that she knew I was his son because I look just like him, it was then that I came to a harsh realization. I hate myself because I hate my father. I know that sounds screwed up, but it's true. I didn't meet the man until I was 27, and only spent 2 years getting to know him. Since that time I have done everything in my power to be the exact opposite of him. But his genetics are hard to escape. I've always hated the way I look when I see myself in pictures, but it was tonight that I figured out the reason behind that. I do look like the man. I don't know how to fix this, but I sure wish I did.