big daddy's blog: "a little humor."

Vaseline A man doing market research for the Vaseline Company knocked at the door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet. "I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?" She said, "Yes. My husband and I use it all the time." "If you don't mind my asking," he said, "what do you use it for?" "We use it for sex," she said. The researcher was a little taken aback. "Usually people lie to me and say they use it on a child's bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty. Since you've been so frank so far, can you tell me exactly HOW you use it for sex?" The woman said, "I don't mind telling you at all. My husband and I put it on the doorknob and it keeps the kids out."

Police Comment Transcriptions The following 15 Police Comments were taken from actual police car videos around the country... #15. "Relax; the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile." #14. "Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document." #13. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired." #12. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that¹s the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun." #11. "So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?" #10. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?" #9. "Warning? You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket." #8. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Is Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?" #7. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop." #6. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven." #5. "No, sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want." #4. "Just how big were those two beers?" #3. "In God we trust, all others we run through CPIC/NCIC." #2. "I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail." And ... THE BEST ONE! #1 "You didn't think we gave pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't - Sign here."

Pizza What does a pizza delivery guy have in common with a Gynecologist? He can smell it but can't eat it.

Adult Quiz Adult Quiz Q.) What doesn't belong in this list: Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob? A.) Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife (well not for real of course), but you can't beat a blowjob. Q.) Why does a penis have a hole in the end? A.) So men can be open minded. Q.) What's the speed limit of sex? A.) 68 because at 69 you have to turn around Q.) What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common? A.) The longer you play with them, the harder they get. Q.) What's the difference between your paycheck and your dick? A.) You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck! Q.) Three words to ruin a man's ego... A.) "Is it in?" Q.) What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Dough Boy? A.) A red headed bitch with a yeast infection. Q.) How can you tell when an auto mechanic just had sex? A.) One of his fingers is clean. Q.) What do you do with 365 used rubbers? A.) Melt them down make a tire, and call it a Goodyear. Q.) What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common? A.) They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed.