As most of you know, a week ago today I got a message that turned my life upside down,and not only broke my heart but crushed it as well. That message was from Patricq, the god son of my fuhusband Don1897 aka Drinkbox Bomber. The message was entitled "I'm sorry Gary" and after reading just that, my heart sank. Upon opening the message, I immediately began to read and be overcome with emotion. I quickly ran to the bathroom to try and get away from my younger sibblings so they didn't see what was about to become of me. My adoptive mom with whom I live with was in the room with me she was playing Halo Reach with my sister..I ran by her, tapped her on the shoulder and continued up the stairs. I got into the bathroom, she quickly came in right behind me with my puppy right behind her, and I collapsed. I couldn't get it out. My 2012 happened that day. I curled up into the fetal position on the bathroom floor and cried..I came back down to my laptop, and went to his profile, tried calling him on skype, and messaging him on YIM, Fu, and Skype..nothing..he wasnt logged into anything, and hadn't been. Enough about me, and onto what this blog is truly about. 

I know a lot of you have been asking questions reguarding Don's death. I regret to inform everyone that I still dont know much. I have confirmed that he is gone, but nothing as to how. I've been told he passed away in his sleep, and I've also been told he passed away at the local hospital. I've been in contact with his god son daily, and some days multiple times a day for any further info. This is the only person who knew about Don and I and the entire FUBAR website, so this is the only person I can get info from at this time. As some of you know, Don has had issues with his heart and severe chest pain in the past, and I can only hope that if he did have a heart attack again, he went peacefully in his sleep and felt no pain. 

I'd like to take the time to say thank you for those of you who have extended your condolences and your ears via phone, skype, or yahoo. I can't thank you all enough. I would like to also say, those of you who have your oppinions on what should be done can keep them to yourself. I know for an absolute fact that Don LOVED this site and a lot of the members on it. I will do everything in my power to keep his account active, and keep it going as much as I can. I will NOT be fudivorcing him. I love Don. Truly and unconditionally. What many of you have had to say although it angers me because of the circumstances it's coming out in, means NOTHING to me. What Don and I had and did, is none of your business or concern. If you wouldn't say it with him still here, then don't say it at all..because what goes around come's around and your's...is coming

Yes I can make them. I just started making them, so they're not elaborate..they're simple. I make edits, both moving and single simple ones. Default pictures will be 2 Bling credits,

moving ones will be 4 credits.

Skins, will be 8 credits. 

So, today as I was doing my usual point hoaring, I came across something that really stopped me dead in my tracks, and reduced me to tears and the more and more I reflected on it, the more and more angry I got. It made me think about not only the event, but things that I would love doing, but "can't"

September 11th, 2001

Rating like always, trying to help someone get points and rates and getting points myself and I came to an album with graphic pictures. Normally, I have iron emotions, and things don't bother me (unless its a snake) but these pictures hit hard and fast. I was in the 5th or 6th grade, so would have been around what, 11 or 12 years old? At any rate..I remember the day, and the pictures I saw, MADE me remember it. I remember the assistant principal getting on the PA system and telling us all to report to our homrooms. I remember walking the halls, seeing some of the staff of my school crying and on their cell phones and thinking, riighhhhtttt they get to do it, but I get my phone taken for it..then it started to sink in...somethings not right. My homeroom teacher began to read from a piece of paper that had type on it. (Our school had made a 1 paragraph blurb about what had happened and what was going on to read to us. Everyone was told the same thing minus the teachers who had a TV in their lounge and were watching it on TV) When I had heard what had happened I didn't know what to think or do. And then it hit me. My father was on a plane (NOT ONE THAT CRASHED) I immediately went into spastic panic mode. Telling my home room teacher I needed to use the bathroom. He knew I didn't but I couldn't use my phone freely because of "school policy." I was told I couldn't leave the room without a faculty member escorting me because of the events. I was ever more enraged when I saw my teacher pick up the phone to call someone to come walk me 20 feet down the hall to the bathroom. I waited, impatiently, and had my phone dialed. I got in the bathroom and started trying to get a hold of my dad to no avail. I started calling my mom, my dad's work. My mom called me back and asked me what was wrong and why I was calling her when I was supposed to be in school. My mom was unaware of what was happening. I stayed in school for the rest of the day, and my father called me when he landed safe and sound after the plane he was on, made an emergency landing to get out of the air. After rating the member's photos, I began reflecting on that day. On the footage I saw on the TV from the clips of video being replayed, until they were ordered by the government to be taken off the air, and not displayed. People jumping out of burning and falling buildings. Trying to save themselves? Or trying to end their suffering and avoid a slow painful death? Either way, it's definitely something that got me thinking about something I thought about when I was graduating high school. It also brought back the fear, the goosebumps and all the other emotions I felt the day I couldn't get my dad on the phone just to say "Dad you're OK!?"

I admit, I didn't make honor roll, I went to BOCES, I got accepted to a community college, no scholarships, so I looked at joining the military. But, I couldn't.

For reasons unknown to me, the United States of America, doesn't want people like me in the military. I admit, I'm not the most athletic and in-shape person. I'm not the "All American" muscle jock. I played sports in high school, LOTS of sports. Went to sectionals, won medals, races, games, MVP..etc all that. The only reason I can't is because I like men. Now some of you will say, I can join! You'd be right. I can join. The fact that I could be kicked out if I choose not to hide who I love and be DISHONORABLY discharged for it pisses me off. I live 9 miles from a US Military Installation. I know TONS of homosexual men and women serving our country. I know many of them have done contract marriages with close friends of theirs so they don't get harassed or worse beat up in their sleep. Why does it matter, what happens behind closed doors? I can shoot guns with the best of them. I'd stand up next to them and defend the country I love (but don't agree with) like the rest of them. I'd do everything in my power to do my job as an american soldier. I'd wear the uniform with pride. But because I choose to love the same sex, it's going to look bad, and I'm not going to be able to do my job correctly. I'm not sure what the deal is, but I'm sure someone will have comments, and thats fine. Comment away. Rate and share my blog. By all means. Go for it.  

**Just a little more info..my boyfriend (former member of the United States Air Force and current member of the US Air Force Aux aka Civil Air Patrol) was a first responder to 9/11. He was there, in the rubble. Saw it first hand. We still have, in a plastic garbage bag the fireman pants he wore while walking around in that rubble. Treating the wounded. There's ashed of those buildings in those pants, and they will stay sealed in that bag.

I don't care if you're gay, straight, bi tri, black, white, purple, orange, aquamarine, short, tall, fat, skinny, round or square, why the hell must we live in a society like this!?

For all the active duty military out there, and those who've served in the past. Thank you. You've done something I want to do, but am afraid to do because of what my country and fellow peers may do to me. You all are brave people, and deserve more than you get. Brad (soldierboy24) Mayra (44Alpha), DJ Dizturbed just to name a few names that come to mind quickly. 

Ok rant over. Tears dried. and I feel a bit better. Here's a few videos to reflect on after you're done reading my rant (if you actually do read it) In short, I envy and admire the United States Armed forces in all branches. You're doing or have done...something I can never do. 

http://www.youtube.com/v/lusvtAWOPqc?

http://www.youtube.com/v/VpoudLoc8sY?

http://www.youtube.com/v/8ZZf619DIpo?

http://www.youtube.com/v/xRhJqbfJh54?