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I loved you like no one
there was nothing that i wouldnt do for the sake of "us"
over hundreds of miles there were lies and secrets
We came together in an explosion of confusion and betrayal
There was a battle within you
I took you in and sheltered you, i gave you all of me
There are times i look back now and think how could i still be so naive?
drugs and sex consumed you and you shut me out.
I knew your heart i couldnt win.
This was written for my friend brandy.
The stars shown like fairy dust in the cloudless moonlit sky.
moonbeams gazed down on ivory sand.
a warm sticky mid august breeze brought a hint of freesia and honeysuckle
a girl reminicent of aphrodite exits a tent like cabana with long beaded curtains
followed by violet butterflies.
her round face and cherry red lips were just visible in the light of the full moon shining on crashing waves.
The sand warm under her feet
in the distance a soft lullaby played on a violin
the girl a little more plump than she would have like
with dark brown hair, large eyes, and pale skin
was not beautiful or even pretty in the usual sense
but there was something that made you take notice.
a mystical air if you will.
her bare skin shines like sliver as she braces herself.
she walks slowly toward the warm dark water her destiny
this is what she has left, all she has left
she embraces it
it is her fate to become one with the ocean.
She can smell the leaves turning golden and red
She walks and walks down lonely dirt paths
This is her time.
She sees squirrels hurrying to gather food.
There are baskets of apples and harvest food on neighbors porches.
Family and friends from long ago come to mind.
The crispness of the new england air clears her head and covers her in
cinnamon warmth.
Everything in nature is preparing for winter
Autumn is when things change and die but are reborn into something better and more
majestic.
In this she sees herself.
She wants to be new and full of potential like soon to come spring days.
have you ever had a feeling that you couldnt really explain. not scared or mad or happy but something else. like in your stomach is like a big ball of emotion and it just makes you want to cry? thats how i feel right now. i cant explain why. the smallest things hurt my feelings now. it doesnt matter who it is or anything i feel like crying all the time. im sad. and the worst part is. i honestly think that no one really cares. my friends see me as having fun and laughing but i think they cant handle this side of me or maybe they really just dont care if im unhappy. i hate my life the spot that im in right now. people think that its so easy being so carefree but actually i worry about so much. im always thinkin about things that happened so long ago and if i did something differently would it be different would i be different. life is strange. the things that come back to you. i cant remember alot of the good things but all the bad are right there lingering in my memory. and i know that most people wont read this but it helps to write about it. i think that even if i made changes in my life i still wouldnt be happy. i dont know what im supposed to do. i feel like im missing something not a person but there is something that isnt right within me its like im broken and i dont know how to fix myself. im battling my demons but not doing a very good job. i guess ill stop tying now its getting kinda hard to see the screen with all the tears. ill write more later
So i have been thinkin about something lately and i want as much input as possible please. one of my friends went through something and it made me think. why are sex offenders able to go to jail and get off so easy. they do some of the worst things. i personally think that killing someone is better than hurting a child and having them go through their whole like knowing about it and having to live with it. can you imagine? i cant. so i was looking at some stuff and thinking some of these people have had mutiple offenses and are not in jail. why? why arent laws on child molestation and child rape or indecent assualt on children more strict? god forbid someone download music illegally or something harmless like that they get a huge fine and like 10 years in prison. but a sex offender might now this is a big might get 10 years in prison. and the ones that dont when they get out they dont even register its crazy the laws for that arent even inforced and its insane. someone if you can please help me to understand why its like this i mean if you know anything about laws or whatever tell me. i wonder what it would get to have someone change some of these laws you know like what has to happen for things to improve. anyway thats all i wanted to say
