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NeeNee Da Queen Woot's blog: ":("

created on 02/20/2008  |  http://fubar.com/-/b190664

where have i been?

ok so i apperently have been missing for quite some time and a few of you on my family list have called me to get short polite answers and no call back.... sorry bout that the reason i have been gone is i have been severly depressed for a while now and very few know it. ive lied to my dearest of close by friends lol the whole 2 i have, and said i was just too busy.... there has been no work and no life so i guesse i was busy with that pesky time space travle thing huh? yea ok so now u know th ejist of it. i recently have been feeling a lil better. enough to go out of town for the week and hav fun. no im still not fully fixed yet and i probly never will be so thanks to the person/ poeple who broke me. i still wont be on much but i thought id just say hi im alive and miss you few i did speak to often. sorry i have been lame and sory i lied about being ok all this time to my close friends. byesss big huggs n love

picture this is you will

ok so have you ever seen oh I don’t know, 2 kebler elves trying to pull the jolly green giant in 2 totally different directions at the same friggin time? Yea like their really gonna move him let along rip him in half. it’s a really funny site if you’re a by stander or even funnier if you hearing about it and visualize it in your head. See my point yea I just thought id share some random things likt this with the world from time to time. Or like the old cartoons with the dude and the lil devil n lil angel on each shoulder, and their supposed to be helping the person but in reality they are bickering with each other and being no help at all, good times! Or when you put Elmer fudd daffy duck and bugs bunny all in one episode and the 2 end up shooting each other while bunny boy slips away! Classic! Im telling you if you picture the first scenario in your head rite now you will be cracking up for hrs!

just need to vent

THIS IS NOT ALL ABOUT YOU, it is in general to every one who knows me and is being made public on all sites since this is the account im on so im sick as a dog tonight as ive been since monday night. dont know if its something in the apt or not since i feel fine when im not here. im going to the dr tomorrow for not just this but possible to get something for stress. i cant take the stupidity of people anymore, people in general work, friends, family, strangers, any of it. so i may talk to him bout that. as for me being a pawn i can garrentee i am, but with much thought it isnt as it once seemed. everything you said was true to a point, whats the twist it sure isnt the knife in my back so im not telling anyone atm. bottom line is this some times it is better to be a pretty little fool than to know and face the truth about those you care about in anyway. (the great gasby) i dont need to grow up since im one of the few who is, i wont hide from my demons or problems, i dont need to be some pawn of a monkey in the friggin middle, and i dont need some 13yr old mind playing both sides of the field causing more crap that i dont need. to every single person in my life. i will not fight for you any more, i will not stand up for you, i will not under any circumstance help you with loans, strenth, advice nor anything else you ask me for or need. since most of my friends are quite lame except a few i will be just as they made me, just like them, no calls no email, or anything. on holidays i wont remeber to call or send anything, if you have a problem deal with it by yourself as i have to. find your own way out, turn to your family like i cant. sure i have a 2 bedroom apt all alone but when you get thrown out n need a warm dry place to stay go find a box in a warm ally cause you aint stayin with me. you want to be blind and not use logic fine its your life and your loss, you want to be a taker and never give unless forced, you want to be a child and run away from the issue so be it, you want to assume things fine by me. i official am at the point i just dont care. i have been here in my apt all week sick and no one called but one person, no one asked do you need anything, are you ok, you got meds, food, tissue ect... why did no one ask cause no one cares. lets see im always busy with something bt i always made time for those important to me. but im not important to most of you just to 2 maybe 3 people. yes its been a fun week, i got used and used as a pawn, im sick, some sexed craved ass had my account killled on here cause i turned him down and deleted him wanna talk about childish. ive lost money, my writ are getting worse, my eyes are killing me cause i tried to be normal like you all wanted and used the drops for my eyes and it fuked me up with more pain and now my vision is worse. my dreams are getting worse and worse the night terrors have been non stop since im sleeping more cause of meds. i look like a cow in all my pics from last week for some reason and the best is the burn on my hand from 2 weeks ago is not healing at all, not to mention the whole family thing. and now i have to deal with more crap. i dont have it in me, i havent had any fight left in me since last june.... ive been quite dead inside for almost a year. no one knew that, no one saw or noticed i hid it from the world, why? cause that was the worse of it all from the last yr. i can say this if things dont change soon im going to just up and go, see i can do that my job can be done anywhere so its not a work thing holding me back its my friends since my family doesnt really exist in the family knit way, i stay for my own reasons. i doubt any one but jamie wil read this all the way to the end maybe one other. but yes phones work both ways, holidays come and go, dates and day trips go on going, pictures get taken, people look in the secret myspace way, we make money and spend it, we are selfish, and ignorant, wasteful, and rude, hurtful and hurt. we are all just human, no matter how quiet or loud we are about our feelings they still get hurt, we still get fed up, we grow cold and sucluded, we lash out one last time and then disapper. just as history will and always does repeat ots self untill we learn i too will relive all of this crap. and what happened to john goodman? he was the new voice of dunkin doughnuts last yr whered he go?
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